Setting Personal Boundaries: Just Do It!

Setting personal boundaries is not always easy for me. I’m more aware of its challenges when it comes to saying, “No.”  

Most times, I fully recognize that point at which a limit ought to be set…yet I disregard it in a passive way.   Time and time again, I live to regret it.  I find myself thinking, that I should have said, “No”…or wishing that I would have taken a firmer stand in some matter.

I’m not alone.  I know many others who run into the same predicament.  I bet you’ve found yourself in the same difficulty at least a few times.

What about you? If you have trouble taking up for yourself and saying “no” when you know that you should, you may need to think about setting personal boundaries... and putting up some “stop signs.”  Learning to do that will help protect you from those who might take advantage of you.  It can also save you from falling into unfavorable situations.

Setting personal boundaries is a critical technique for enhancing your personal and professional development. By standing up for yourself, you’ll gain self-esteem and freedom from trying to please everyone. You will also gain more self confidence in making decisions in matters that concern you and your life.

You may have some apprehension in the beginning...especially if you’ve been passive in the past. If you’ve been aggressive, you may have controlled your limits with anger and lashing out. Those types of approaches are not a good means to go about it.

Before Setting Your Personal Boundaries:

Here are some issues you need to manage before beginning to take a stand:

• Know your personal limits. Be clear with yourself about your beliefs and values.  Be aware of what makes you feel uncomfortable and how you are presently handling situations which compromise your boundaries.

• Use clear and concise language. After you know your limits, assert yourself by using clear language about how you feel when they are being crossed.

• Don’t be a “yes” person. It is utmost important to know when to say “no” to people you work with and in your personal circle of family and friends. You begin to lose your personal freedom when you take on too much.

• Pay attention to what is “true” for you. When someone offends or disrespects you, ask yourself if what was said is true. Internal lines drawn within yourself prevent you from putting yourself in unfavorable situations or believing everything someone says about you.

• Know your rights. You shouldn’t feel guilty about expressing yourself and asking for what you need in a respectful manner. You have every right to demand to be treated fairly and with respect in all areas of your life.

Start making simple direct and firm statements in a non-threatening tone. You may feel a bit uncomfortable for a while.  Soon you’ll feel a power that makes you stronger and more adept at drawing lines.

You don’t need to debate the issues of your boundaries or explain yourself to others. Be firm and consistent in repeating your requests or statements and reinforce your actions by staying determined.

Also make some firm self-esteem affirmations to overcome putting yourself into detrimental situations.  Setting personal boundaries also includes saying “No” to yourself when appropriate.  For example, “I will say ‘No’ when faced with…”  Fill in the blanks and remain true to your values!

Give Your Self-Confidence A Boost

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